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Taylana the Cat Princess.

21 April 201010 comments Writing Blather

Lately every time my mind wanders, it goes limping down memory lane. Maybe it's a sign of early-onset senility. Maybe it's just that time of year when one reflects on one's life. I can't say I've done much reflecting; I've done a lot of cringing, remembering stupid things I've done and embarrassing situations I've been thrust into. But while dodging the specter of my humiliating freshman Latin class or trying to forget how I lost a track meet by two inches of distance on a shotput throw, I stumbled across another memory: my English teachers.

I only had two between 6th grade and senior year; I had the good fortune of being in the AP English & Creative Writing class, which meant the same teacher guided our progress year after year and gave us personal attention when developing our speaking and writing skills. For my freshman through senior years, that was Mrs. N. She was utterly out of her mind - and utterly brilliant. She was the one who shaped my love of reading and writing, and encouraged me even when others admonished me to get my nose out of the books and go do something normal kids would do. Her lessons have remained with me for my entire life, along with her frizzy yellow hair and enormous coke-bottle glasses.

Actually, she looked a hell of a lot like the principal on South Park. Only crazier. A lot crazier. We're not even getting into the incident with the eggs and the beeswax.

No matter how dotty she was, though, Mrs. N was a great teacher...and she saved me from Mrs. L, my teacher throughout the three years of middle school.

Mrs. L was a nice woman, for the most part - in that rather false way that said she was only being nice to her students because it was her job, though she really did work hard at teaching us the foundations of proper English while still letting us have free reign to develop individually. She even tried to stimulate our creativity, which led to our 6th-grade project.

We had to write a book.

Oh, not a full-length book. Forty pages, double-spaced...which was still quite daunting to a 6th-grader. We had a semester to write it. Most of us dove in with eager enthusiasm, chattering about our ideas all through class and completely ignoring Mrs. L when she tried to call us to order. I still remember my book; if I recall, it was called CAT PRINCESS.

I was in 6th grade. Shut the bloody hell up.

My heroine was Taylana. Her mother was a postal worker, just like mine. She was as confused about girls as I was about boys. I was projecting just a little - no, a lot. I was young, and at that age where every story I read cast me as the hero inside the shell of the author's character. So when I wrote my own story, I wrote a story I'd want to be in and a persona I'd want to adopt, with the gender reversed. Taylana had bright green eyes, because I thought mine were too brown and ordinary. She had long, dark hair that didn't need special treatments to be straight, and because she was a girl she didn't have to argue with her mother about keeping it long. She had a black cat just like mine.

And she had brown skin, just like mine - though darker. She was purely African-American, while I'm only part.

There were a few other influences; Occula from Richard Adams' MAIA, along with another story I'd recently read (but can't remember now) about a middle-aged woman who was transported to another world and at some point discovered her real heritage...about the time her inner self transformed her into an angry mother bear. Literally. Thus Taylana was the lost princess of the cat people, who'd been sent to the human world to keep her safe; the black cat was actually her guardian, and could talk to her. She shapeshifted into a panther.

Let me remind you: I was eleven. Maybe twelve.

I wish I still had the story, for nostalgia's sake. Other than a 3rd-grade effort about Dolores the talking hamster, it was my first real work of fiction. Well, it would be if I'd finished it. I failed the assignment, because about two thirds of the way through I put it down with no desire to ever touch it again. It was stupid, it was wrong, it was bad, I shouldn't have even bothered. Or at least...that's what Mrs. L led me to believe. During our progress check-ins, she'd read the stories and offer a little advice.

In my case, her advice was to make Taylana white.

"Why?" I asked.

"Well, why is she black?"

"Because she just is."

"She needs a reason to be black."

"Why?" I asked again, confused.

"Because without a good reason for her to be black, no one wants to read about her. Nobody wants to read a story about a black person. Those stories don't matter."

And that was it.

Just like that she'd rendered my character and my story invalid without any consideration of its merit, its worth; all that mattered to her was that the character was black, which made it wrong.

Even worse, she'd rendered me invalid. She'd told me my perspective, my voice didn't matter...and never would. She'd told me that even though I grew up around people of so many races - most of them not white, especially the majority of my family, my neighbors - there was nothing important about the stories they had to tell, real or fictional. There was nothing important about their thoughts, their perspectives, their cultural insight. There was nothing she could ever possibly relate to, simply because of the color of their skin. The color of my skin.

I felt small. I felt transparent, invisible, dehumanized. I was already a wallflower before, but after that I became wallpaper. I retreated into my books, hid my notebooks full of scribblings, and avoided my friends...my primarily white friends, who found plenty to relate to in our common childhood experiences and had no idea what Mrs. L was talking about, or why it should matter. They liked my story, with the unbiased view of the young - but it was too late to change my impressionable young mind, as an authority figure had already told me it was worthless.

It took another authority figure to straighten me out: Mrs. N. She gave us creative writing assignments starting in freshman year, and noticed mine were a bit stiff, unnatural. I wrote about white boys and white girls, not as normal people, but as ideals of what Mrs. L had told me people wanted to read. I wasn't comfortable with them, and she could tell in every word - when I even did the assignments, as I felt like there was no point in even picking up a pen. She tried to work with me, despite my mutinous silence and withdrawn nature. After some patience, she managed to pry an explanation out of me.

And when I finally told her about my misgivings, she laughed.

Not at me, no. At Mrs. L. She also called her a few interesting names I won't repeat here. And then she told me,

"Adrien, who cares what color they are? Who cares what color you are? Every day African-Americans and Chinese people and Arabs and Malays and Latinos and hell Nigerians - everyone's out there having the same experiences as you and I. There's a fourteen-year-old Mexican girl somewhere right now staring at a handsome boy with her heart in her throat and hoping he'll notice her, and just because they've both got brown skin and black eyes doesn't mean she doesn't feel the same damned things as the blonde white girl when she's looking at her handsome green-eyed boy." Then she rapped my knuckles with her pen.

"Ow!"

Then she rapped hers. "Ow!" And she laughed. "See? I'm a nutty old white lady, and you're a stubborn mule of a young - wait, what are you?"

"I don't know."

"Well, you've got pretty skin. It's like nutmeg. And mine's like flour. Young dark boy, old pale woman. But the pen still hurt us the same way. And if you wanted to write about it, you'd write it the same way, because we have the same experiences, and they mean the same thing. Exactly the same thing. Your pen smack isn't my broken leg. Do you get it?"

I nodded slowly, though I wasn't sure I did, and wasn't sure I wholly believed her. I'd been burned once already.

"Good." She started to smack my knuckles again, then grinned when I yanked my hand back before she could. "You learn quick. Let's see if you're as quick with a pen. Throw this shit away, don't tell your mom I said shit, and start over. Write stories about people who matter to you, and if they matter enough...they'll matter to everyone."

It took years before I had the maturity to really grasp what she was trying to tell me, but I'd already grasped one important thing: the hand she offered to lift me out of the pit of misconception so I could stand on even footing with everyone else. And what she taught me stuck with me beyond even high school and college, even though I didn't know until five or six years ago that I wanted to be a writer. I'd thought about computer programming for a while, ended up in data analysis before moving on to full-time writing and editing...but thanks to Mrs. N I never stopped writing on the side, whether it was college assignments, fanfic, or random little drabbles of no importance.

And there was always someone brown in the stories - not just because Mrs. N said it was okay, but because it was what I wanted, and most importantly Mrs. N had taught me to stand up for what I felt was right regardless of any authority figure's opinion. Whether the protagonist, antagonist, or supporting cast, there were always brown people as part of the landscape of the story - because brown people have been part of the landscape of my life. We're part of the landscape of your life. You interact with us every day; maybe we're part of your story. Or maybe you're part of ours, and we're the star; that doesn't make the story any less valid, especially if you stop to think about the fact that we have enough in common in our lives for them to overlap. You talk to us every day; you know us. We're your friends, your coworkers, people you pass on the street. We have the same concerns you do, the same joys, the same fears.

Just like you, we read. We write. Yes, there are higher rates of illiteracy among the ethnic population, but we're fighting to change that. We're fighting not only to make our voices heard, but to learn the right ways to communicate our message on common ground.

We're fighting to tell stories that give us a little something more to identify with. We've grown up reading stories where the white person is the star, and anyone dark is a marginalized token that's often stereotyped. Yet we've found something to identify with in those stories; we've found something to love, something that fires our imaginations and makes us want to write our own stories with people like us. People like you, with only a few differences of language, culture, and coloration. We're trying to be recognized as part of the mainstream - because "mainstream" shouldn't mean "white only."

And it doesn't, anymore. Despite some old voices who still insist no one will buy books with an ethnic protagonist, more and more writers are striking out to speak with colorful voices on every page of their stories. Are readers having trouble identifying? No. No, instead they're falling in love with the stories and the characters, because good fiction is good fiction - period. They're proving the status quo wrong.

One day I hope to prove Mrs. L wrong. One day I hope to see Kensington, Akhilesh, Sujit, Hai, Rio, Crow, Akai, Vice, all my rainbowed cast in print - and not just the ethnic rainbow. Grayson, Vee, Marcus, Sebasien, Kira - another rainbow, on the LGBT spectrum; another set of voices who are just as mainstream as the heteronormative ideal.

We aren't any better than you. You aren't any better than we.

We're all the same, but no one asks if there's a good reason for your characters to be white.

So why do we need a good reason not to be?

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Comments

  1. Amber April 21, 2010

    Uh, wow. I agree with all of this. And I really need to say:

    “Because without a good reason for her to be black, no one wants to read about her. Nobody wants to read a story about a black person. Those stories don’t matter.”

    Some people have ABSOLUTELY no business teaching. What the bloody hell.

  2. Jeffe Kennedy April 21, 2010

    I think you should write the story about Taylana the Cat Princess - seriously!

    It's amazing the impact other's "shouds" have on us. Not one teacher encouraged me to be a writer. (Shut up!) They said I was an excellent writer, but extolled science as the truly noble profession.

    In the end, we have to decide the stories we want to tell -- and put the characters in there that we damn well want to!

  3. LaTessa April 21, 2010

    Great post, and that teacher is an ass for telling you that. I'm telling you, I wish a teacher would tell either of my children some nonesense like that. The doors would be hanging sideways in their hinges, and the foundation would still be shaking now-lol.

    Anywho, we've had several convo's via Twitter about the role of AA and other minorities in the world of fiction. And it's sad to say, but there are still people out in the world that will not read stories, no matter how good they are, if the lead characters don't look like them. And this goes for any race, however it's been my experience that more people are bigoted towards fiction with minority leads though. :-(

    I am just glad that my children are growing up in a more racial diverse world than I did. I hope they don't come up against any crazy biases like you and I did while in school. (Because as I've already mentioned before, I will surely not take if well if a teacher dare says anything close to my kids that your Mrs. L said to you).

    Hmm... the Cat Princess eh?

  4. Linda G. April 22, 2010

    Truly beautiful post, Adri. :)

    I <3 Mrs. N. She is a wise and generous teacher, and I hope she stumbles across your blog someday. As an ex-English teacher, I know how much reading this would mean to her.

    (Mrs. L is an idiot who doesn't deserve to take up precious real estate in your psyche--ditch her.)

    And I would SO read your Taylana story--it sounds like a story from the heart, and those always touch me.

    Keep writing. The world needs more voices like yours. :)

  5. Jason Beymer April 22, 2010

    My God. I can't believe a teacher did that. Bigoted teachers are criminal on either side of an issue because they can be even more influential than parents. My daughter never believes anything I say unless verified by her kindergarten teacher.

    As far as including racially diverse characters in my writing, I have to admit I sometimes have trouble with it. If I intentionally create one that is African-American or Asian, sometimes I feel like I'm using race as a device rather than a perspective. Still, I've been told by some of my readers that they thought certain characters were of a specific race—mainly those I didn't specify a skin tone for. I know that even when I have a race in mind, I sometimes don't flesh it out on paper because it isn't relevant to the story. In a recent manuscript (one I'm on the brink of submitting, Adrien …) I did specify the race of some characters. One of the main ones is Korean, though some might also consider this a device to differentiate her from the other main characters. Wow! I have a lot more to say about this topic than I initially thought.

  6. JenniferWriter April 22, 2010

    This is such a great, honest, and ultimately inspiring post. Thanks for sharing your experiences. It's amazing how much influence an adult can have on the life of a kid--good or bad.

    Bring on the rainbow!

  7. Adrien-Luc Sanders April 22, 2010

    Amber: Really makes you wonder, doesn't it? And this was in the "gifted" program, where teachers had more freedom to really work with their students (rather than being forced to teach by rote straight out of the book, as they are in many standard classroom environments). Teachers, especially in areas with multicultural populations, really should be screened for that kind of bigotry.

    Jeffe: al;kjsdlfjdsohgod. Write it? It was embarrassing enough admitting I came up with my poor little Mary Sue of a princess.

    I had a similar experience, with people pushing me away from writing. One sister's an engineer, another's a lawyer, and everyone expected me to get into either neuroscience or technology development; only Mrs. N and one of my English professors in college told me writing was worthwhile, and tried to encourage me. One day maybe we'll shake the popular perception that writing is a frivolous pastime, rather than real work. It is real work, and loving it doesn't make it any less a valid occupation. Nor does loving it enough to create the characters we want to create, rather than following a popular archetype.

    LaTessa: Those conversations with you are part of what prompted me to write up this post. I'm glad to see more diversity these days, too, though some places will always hold out. I really don't understand racism and racial bigotry, yet so many people act like it's perfectly natural and I should accept that white is the default, it's right, and I should just learn to deal with it.

    Like hell. Talk about the doors hanging sideways in their hinges.

    Linda: I often wonder where Mrs. N is right now. The last I heard she'd gone from quirky and fun to crabby and just a tiny bit crazy (real crazy, not cute-personality-quirk crazy). From the rumors I've heard, the job and the endless administrative politics finally got to her, and she turned bitter and quit. Which is sad, really. The world needs more teachers like her. I kind of wish I could show this to her so she'd know she did make a real difference somewhere, and that even now what she taught me is reaching other people.

    Jason: I don't think anyone should force racially diverse characters in their writing, either. Regardless of the colorful tapestry of life, you do need to write what's natural for you. Forcing it is just as bad as willfully excluding it - though there's nothing wrong with exploring, and I'm glad to see you branching out. I can see how people would guess a certain race from your writing style, though. For some reason I first pictured Doban as dark-skinned; no particular ethnicity, just swarthy. Just something about the way you wrote him.

    I will say, though...I'm not wholly in agreement with the "don't mention the skin tone if it's not relevant to the story" thing. While it's always a sign of good writing to keep excess details to a minimum, there's also the problem that in general, people will assume a character's white unless told otherwise. That default status just bugs the bloody effin' hell out of me, and I like seeing it challenged - even if all it takes is two or three extra words that mention a skin tone in passing before moving on to follow the story.

    Jennifer: Sometimes I wonder how many teachers are aware of the power just a few words can have over the young people in their charge. It's a heavy responsibility, and one some don't take seriously enough.

  8. Sihaya April 22, 2010

    I wish I had something profound and/or relevant to say like everyone else here has, but I'm not a writer, just a story teller, and I don't have any experiences in any of the area's discussed here. So I'll just say that I hope both teachers (though one hardly deserves that title) one day pick up a copy of one of your books and remember.

  9. Janelle April 23, 2010

    I love your post, Adri, and I'm so glad that you got back into writing! There are some people who just shouldn't teach!! Or even be allowed to talk to children about books! (Or anything else, for that matter!)

  10. Kaine May 13, 2010

    So, I know this is a bit late, but I just read this post and I absolutely love it, though I can't believe any creative writing teacher would be so blatantly ignorant. Thankfully, most of my teachers were always pretty open-minded - I remember a story I wrote a few years ago about two young African-American men falling in love (possibly the sweetest and cheesiest thing I ever wrote, actually), and right before turning it in I started to worry about how my teacher would react. It turned out that she quite liked it, and looking back, I'm not even sure why I was concerned.
    Anyway, yay for Mrs. N! And yay for you writing what you want to write. Passion for your characters and subject matter always makes for a better story, and that's what's really important. :]

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