Psst. Hey, you. Yes, you. I’m talking to you. The aspiring author sitting there struggling over your query letter. The guy or gal wondering just how to approach an editor, an agent, whomever. The one trying to decide on business formality or sass, beautiful prose or wit, eye-catching originality or appreciable directness. The writer trying to figure out just the right way to walk up to this person who could hold the key to your career as a published author and say “hi.”
Well, hi.
No, seriously. It’s as simple as that. Just say hi.
Yes, you’ll need to tell me about your book. A little about yourself, too, though don’t overwhelm me. But really, just to start off with, say hi. Smile. Be polite, be friendly, and give me your message. It’s just like making friends.
And just like making friends, it requires a little tact.
Tact means not complaining about how you don’t like the submission format. Tact means not trash-talking other writers. Tact means not whining about how stupid you think the publisher or agent’s requirements are. Tact means not deriding the other agents and editors who rejected you. Tact means not proclaiming yourself the One True Savior who understands the truth of the publishing industry and will show us all the light of your genius.
Tact also means keeping your crazy quite firmly under your belt where I can’t see it.
You wouldn’t let it all hang out like that when making a new friend. Don’t let it hang out with me. There’s time enough to show me how quirky-awesome you are, when I know you well enough to appreciate it. On that first meeting, what I need to know is that you’re sane, you write well, your story engages me, and you’re capable of understanding the business aspect of this entire crazy machine.
So just say hi, and hope we hit it off well enough for your book and my editing schedule to be friends.
We won’t be friends. We can’t be. I can’t be your friend and do my job. I can’t worry about hurting your feelings when I’m chopping apart incorrect modifiers or urging you to drop the passive voice and use more active verbs. I can’t be your friend when trying to train you out of your little bad writing habits, even if I’m doing it in your best interests so your talent can shine through and showcase the good writing habits that made me love your story in the first place. I won’t be your friend, because friends can’t be honest with friends about their writing.
But we’ll be friendly. We’ll learn to love each other and hate each other–but more than that, we’ll learn to depend on each other through revisions and deadlines, galleys and proofs, cover art quibbles and panicked last-minute changes. We’ll learn each others’ senses of humor and share inside jokes swapped via tweets and MS Word comment boxes. We’ll tease each other about quirks, find out strange little things about each other, and know each other in ways that often, friends don’t. Writing reveals a lot about a person. So does editing. So do those moments at three o’clock in the morning, when we’re both ready to tear our hair out trying to fix that one last sentence before the book’s due in to production the next day.
And when your book releases I’ll share a drink with you in celebration, although I’ll never come to your kids’ birthday parties or help you shop for Christmas. I don’t care about photos of your dog in sunglasses or slideshows of your vacation to Redondo Beach, and please don’t tell me about your hot date last night or the guy you found your wife in bed with. I don’t want to know. I’d rather not picture you that way, and it’s really not my business.
So no, we won’t be friends. But we will be establishing a unique relationship that, if all goes well, could last for many years and through many books. You wouldn’t start a friendship by approaching a stranger and criticizing their choice of those shoes with those slacks. You wouldn’t walk up to someone in a bar and, without even saying hello, begin a spiel of negativity about every person who ever hurt you in the past.
So why would you start a relationship with an editor or agent by antagonizing them?
Categories: Agents & Querying, Publishing, Writing Blather
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March 18th, 2010: 1,726
Boy with an overly complicated name. Not so much of a boy at 30. Coffee addict. Writer. Editor. Cat cuddler. Myopic cynic. Multi-ethnic melange. Firefly chaser. Lover of sunflower seeds. Book devotee. Music junkie. Encyclopedia reader. Game geek. Sleeps better during thunder storms. Bites his nails. Doesn't drink nearly enough. Occasionally transforms from mild-mannered reporter into Lewis Black. Makes writing playlists. Sings along off-key. Dances like a white boy who thinks nobody's watching. Takes things apart. Reassembles with a 67% success rate. Thinks IHOP always tastes better after midnight. Engaged to an ordinary Joe who isn't so ordinary at all. Lok'tar frickin' ogar, baby. 
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So I’m scrolling down to type in a nice little comment to you about how much I liked your blog and a little tweet in the right hand corner catches my eye… Something to the effect of FINISH YOUR DAMN BOOK ALREADY…
So nice blog yada yada I agree!
*dashes off before Adri breaks out the whip*
I wish that posts like this weren’t necessary, but since they are, this was a good one. If people would learn to use common sense a whole lot of things would be much easier
Janelle: I have no idea what you’re talking about. But you’d better be writing and not back here reading this comment.
Liz: I don’t think I’ve said anything that dozens of agents and editors haven’t said in the past, but apparently some people miss the message. So hey, maybe reiterating it will catch just one more person and stop them from shooting themselves in the foot when they start querying.
i can’t imagine authors acting like borderlines without boundaries to a person in your position. like a job interview, one needs tact, as you point out, and a demeanor of dignity and authenticity.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Adrien-Luc Sanders and Julie Weathers, nwfoodie. nwfoodie said: RT @smoulderingsea: Pssst. Hey you. Yes, you–the querying author. Over here. http://kowloonbynight.com/2010/07/hi-there/ << just say hi! [...]
Now why would you think I’d come back to check if you left me a comment back? Geesh! Have you no faith?????
Ahh, how nice and how inspiring. I can’t wait to not be friends with an agent sometime – soon! I’m actually very excited and hopeful. Thank you for this post!
Hi. Thank you for the post. I’ve been to Hong Kong a few times, and your background image reminds of the of the view from the top floor lounge at the Kowloon Sheraton. What a beautiful place. By chance, is it the same? Great blog.
Helen
Hello again; only one “of the” necessary in above post, my apologies!
[...] by Night: Adrien-Luc Sanders' Blog Hi there. 2 days [...]
I can’t imagine why people think antagonism or rudeness would get them anywhere in life, much less into the good graces of an editor or agent. Some of the twitter feeds I see flying past just make me stop and shake my head.
Not that I’ve got the art of query writing down yet, but it’s silly how unprofessional people can be.
What do you mean no silly pictures of pets??? Ruin all the twitter randomness ;)
Annie: You’d be surprised. Actually, no, you probably wouldn’t. I’ve seen agents on Twitter talking about query rudeness that makes my toes curl – ten times worse than anything I’ve seen, and I’ve seen some weird stuff.
Janelle: You do remember who you’re talking to, right?
Shonagon: Er…you’re welcome?
Helen: I believe it is. I’m not the photographer and haven’t seen Hong Kong in years, but the vista was familiar and I vaguely remember the location.
Sybir: …hey, I don’t care if you post the silly pictures of pets. Just don’t be offended if I’m not interested in clicking them. :P