No rainbows over NYC tonight.

Thank you, New York, for demonstrating just how much work we still have left to do.

Despite the disappointment and sarcasm dripping from every word, I really do mean that – because when one of the most progressive states in our union still can’t vote gay marriage through and politicians state that it’s what the people want, it shows me that we still have a long way to go to show the world at large that you cannot view the human race as a single faceless whole, accountable only to a flawed majority that emphasizes equality and impartiality only when it serves their purpose, yet freely discriminates based on differences. When someone can stand up and say in all seriousness that “the people” want to deprive other human beings of the same rights and liberties that they enjoy based on something so simple as sexuality…

…well, it gives us a goal to work for. A clearly-defined marker that says “This, here, is part of the problem that we need to work on.” We need to raise our voices, speak clearly, rally support, and show that we, too, are the people – and this vote was not what we wanted. Our voices matter. Our rights matter.

We aren’t some segregated group that can be treated as objects to be dealt with. We are just as much a part of the body called “the American people” as those who oppose our rights…yet we have to fight to be treated as the same.

Look at me. I am an American. I am a gay man. Those two things aren’t separate.

And they shouldn’t have to be.

Not a zombie!

Guess who isn’t dead?

Oi, where in hell have I been?

Well, to put it shortly…

1. Tooth pain. Bad tooth pain. One of my molars is now nothing but an L-shaped shell that has blessedly been numbed entirely until I can get it pulled out.

2. Months of mental exhaustion from a combination of work and pain that tried to carve my brain cells out and eat them.

3. Months of playing World of Warcraft to distract myself from the pain, and then getting sucked in until it killed what few brain cells I have left.

4. My computer crashing constantly, which was 90% because of #3.

Basically I’ve been kind of slogging through life on auto-pilot. And I got entirely sick of it a couple of days ago. It feels like waking up from a dream where even in the dream I’m sleeping, but it’s good to feel alive again (and not to be in pain anymore, and not to be wasting any more time on a game that really can be like an addiction; I’ve 95% quit, and only log in for about 5 minutes a day).

I have been working on revisions in that time, though, and I’m almost done. I’m not going to start querying with the new version yet, though. I still have to proofread it with a fine-tooth comb, for one, and get some feedback from beta readers to see if it works or not. Also, I still have a couple of fulls out on the old version. It’s a one in a million shot that either agent will want to represent me (isn’t it always?), but should either of them express interest, I think it’d be rude to say, “Oh, you know that manuscript you just wasted a couple of days of your life reading? Well, I have a better one now. Sorry to waste your time!” If someone likes it as-is (well, obviously with revisions–there are always revisions once it gets into an agent’s hands, as they have the professional perspective to help shape it)…well, it’d be stupid not to trust their judgment.

Still, it’s a tricky situation. When I started querying, I thought I was ready. Someone asked about that in the Twitter #askagent chat last night, actually – about what to do when you thought you were ready to query, and then end up rewriting until it’s practically a different, better novel, and if it’s all right to requery. Most were pretty positively responsive, as long as you wait a decent length of time to requery. I don’t know. I don’t even know if I’m going to query with the new version. Depending on the response I get from the agents with fulls, I’ll make a decision on where to go from here.

I miss writing. I’ve been doing a few little drabbles the past few days; nothing really important, but just warming up unused muscles.

As if the entire ramble wasn’t random enough, let’s close off with a completely different topic:

I really wish people would stop making such a huge fuss about President Obama bowing to the emperor of Japan. When in Rome, people. When in Rome. It’s called politeness and mutual respect, and if we’re going to expect everyone to conform to our customs when on our soil, then we can have the courtesy to respect their customs when on their soil. It’s not a sign of weakness or deference, and the kind of close-minded centrism rising around that sentiment is why half the world hates us.

That’s all. So. How’re you? (…if there’s anyone even left in this ghost town…)

Thought.

The next time you want to complain about the U.S. political system, take a good look at Iran.

At least we have the right to complain without having our freedoms taken away, right down to the freedom to make the world aware of the problem via the internet. At least we can mobilize to protest for our rights without our own government shooting us and killing us.

It’s becoming a larger issue than a questionable vote count. It’s more about awareness of a false democracy in which a questioned vote rouses the suppression response of a dictator. Be glad it can’t happen to you.

And show support for those to whom it’s happening right now.